The Eight Wedding Officiants to Avoid

I came across a blog tonight with an article with the title above and found it quite interesting and thought my followers might be interested in reading this! Here is the link to the original article. I have found that many couples "price shop" for an officiant and may end up hiring one of these "undesirables" just because they charge less to officiate a wedding. It is far better to choose your officiant based on how easily you can relate to her and one who respects your values rather than base your choice entirely on price and risk getting an officiant who is inflexible and may embarrass you at your wedding.
 
We'll book over 600 weddings this year, which means I'll speak to that many brides and grooms personally. I'm always astounded by the horror stories I hear from couples about how weddings ceremonies have been botched, mangled, bastardized or just plain not performed according to a couple's wishes. To that end, I've complied a list of the eight types of wedding officiants to watch out for.

The Clergy Wannabee
This is the wedding officiant who establishes their officiating business with the intent of ramming their own religious beliefs down the throat of the hapless couple. (Note that we are NOT referring to the priest, minister or rabbi at established places of worship.) These folks are quick to assume the title of "minister', "priestess" "chaplain" or some such pseudo-title that is generally conferred to them by obscure religious entities with names such as "the Church of Love and Light." "The Divine Life Church," "Universal Divinities of God," etc. (note that these are not actual names--to the best of my knowledge--I made them up for illustrative purposes).

While possessing credentials from one of these organizations is not a bad thing (many of Lyssabeth's officiants have similar credentialing) bear in mind that this type of licensing confers no more ability to promote oneself as a religious leader than say, graduating from a school of massage therapy. However, do not attempt to tell this to the Clergy Wannabee, who will refer to themselves as a lifetime spiritual counselor and go on ad nauseum about the blessedness of your wedding ceremony, insist that you enroll in their premarital counseling sessions and subtly coerce you into including a "spiritual" element into your ceremony that may or may not be in line with your personal beliefs. They will undoubtedly offer you subsequent services such as baby "blessings," new home "blessings," "menopause celebration rituals," funerals and divorce ceremonies.

Hint: if you've never heard of this person's "church" and they sign their emails with something akin to "love, light and blessings" before they've even met you, then you've found yourself a Wannabee.

The Closet Holy Roller
The CHR will present themselves as most open-minded and encourage you to create a ceremony that is inline with your values and preferences. Then, on the day of the wedding, they'll add some impromptu wording that pushes their own religious agenda. You'll be walking down the aisle thinking you've composed a ceremony that is contemporary, light-hearted and maybe even a tad fun and the next thing you know the CHR is talking about our lord and savior Jesus Christ to your agnostic husband to be and 50 of his Jewish relatives!

The CHR can be difficult to ferret out beforehand. It's best to get referrals and references if you have concerns that anything other than what is on your ceremony script will be coming out of the officiant's mouth on your wedding day.

The Control Freak
This is the officiant who knows best about what goes into a ceremony service and makes certain you're aware of that. You'll be presented with a few pre-written scripts and told to pick one. Or, he may meet with you for an hour and then get back to you with a pre-written ceremony written "exclusively for you." The CF will pay scant attention to any unique ideas that you might want to add, even if he gives lip service to the contrary.

There's nothing wrong with pre-written scripts for the couple that wants something short, sweet and affordable. But if you're seeking something customized, heartfelt and all about you, then drop the Control Freak and look for someone more open-minded and flexible.

The One Hit Wonder
The OHW was asked to perform her cousin's wedding ceremony, so she obtained her online ordination, pulled some words off the Internet and did a passable job of reading the ceremony. She decided she LOVES performing weddings and has subsequently put an ad on Craig's List stating she's an "affordable, experienced wedding officiant."

Hint: if the officiant charges substantially less than the going rate for your area, doesn't have an established presence with a website, listing on popular wedding sites, and is vague about how many weddings they've done, then hit the "next" button.

The Jokester
Ever the stand-up comedian, the Jokester is quite the ham and views your wedding ceremony as a place to show off their talent. True, they'll have your guests rolling in the aisles, but the emphasis may be less on you and your love and more like an episode of Who's Line is it Anyway?. While you want a talented and professional speaker who has a charismatic presence and can ad lib gracefully when something goes amiss, you don't want the focus of your ceremony to be on the officiant but on you and your sweetie.

The Mumbler
The Mumbler and his close cousins the Ummer, the Monotone Droner and the Nasally Speaker will have your guests either straining to hear or cringing in their seats. Be sure to chat with your officiant ahead of time--either in person or over the phone--to make sure their speaking voice is worthy of your big day.

The Forget-Me-Not (Not!)
The most potentially destructive of wedding officiants, the Forget Me Not (Not!) will call you by the wrong name, lose her place as she's reading the script or have your wedding date written on the wrong day in her Daytimer. The FMNN is characterized by a high level of disorganization, less-than-timely (or missed) communication and a tendency to be late for meetings. They are generally very nice people and always apologize for their mishaps, but an apology won't do you much good when it's ten minutes past showtime and your officiant is a no-show.

The High End, Busiest, most Self Important Wedding Officiant on the Planet
This guy has been officiating weddings since Grandma was a girl and tells you he's booked solid 18 months in advance. But looky there! He's just had a cancellation for your exact date and time and can squeeze you in. Subsequently, he charges substantially more than anyone else in town and makes it clear that you are lucky to have him. You'll need to decide to book him RIGHT NOW however, because otherwise the coveted spot on his calendar will be snapped up by some other lucky couple. He'll do a fine job of officiating your wedding ceremony, as long as everyone toes the line and doesn't interfere with his rigid schedule.

Did we miss anyone? Undoubtedly, but these are the stereotypes that come to our attention the most. Feel free to add your own list in the comment section. And consider yourself forewarned!

The staff of Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants write and perform unique, joyful and memorable wedding ceremonies in Colorado, California and Oregon.