Unsolicited Wedding Advice--Book Now!

Hello dear followers and brides who use my blog to plan your wedding:  Today I ran across this blog post by Rev. Spike Gillespie in Austin TX and I thought it was such a good article, I asked her permission to re-post it here. She graciously consented and I thank her very much. Her blog is Austin Wedding Officiant.  Not only is this advice great and with which I heartily concur, I love the photos of the pups in this wedding! 

When I meet with prospective clients, I like to emphasize that I try hard not to issue unsolicited advice. I then usually wind up offering at least a few bits of unsolicited advice over the course of the conversation. Okay then, I guess I still need to practice.

The reason I try to bite my tongue unless asked is that I think a lot of couples get hit with tons of advice from well-meaning but overzealous friends and family members. It can feel like too much, and in some cases it can feel like downright pressure is being exerted. You know, it's YOUR wedding, so you should, as the old BK commercial went, Have it Your Way.

That said, since I'm in this business, I've amassed an awful lot of helpful information over the course of performing 300+ weddings and commitment ceremonies. I know some really great vendors and musicians. I know the inside scoop on PA systems and what you'll need. I know shortcuts. I know how to run interference in tricky family situations. So I offer, as an added extra (which I do not charge for) to field questions that come up, make references, and show up a little early to just be an extra pair of hands the day of. Sometimes, I go crazy and really get involved-- like driving dogs home after the ceremony so they don't get overwhelmed at the reception.

Today, I have a few bits of unsolicited advice-- yours to take or leave. If you are getting married in April or October 2013, HIRE YOUR PROFESSIONALS NOW. This is not a ploy for me to get business. My April is nearly booked full (though I have a few openings) and October is getting there. Also, with global warming wreaking havoc on the weather, I find that these days more couples are looking at March and November (used to be that April and October were the "June of Texas," since June can be pretty warm). I think I've had about 15 requests for October 6th. I perform up to four weddings per day (though most often three is my max) and even still, that means I had to turn away nearly a dozen couples.

Another thing-- consider the heat. Seriously. I am totally down with doing outdoor weddings in summer, I do them all the time. And I'm pretty sure you can save a bit of money booking venues in the dead of summer. But if you're going to ask your guests to endure the heat, especially if they are from out of town, it's a very good idea to have water set up beforehand, water they can take to their seats. Fans aren't a bad idea either. I did a wedding the night it hit 109 degrees-- honestly, it was pretty nuts. You might also consider keeping the ceremony short so you can all get into the A/C quicker.

Okay, enough with the advice. For now. But if you do have a question you'd like me to answer here, just shoot me an email. Or: kayelily@aweddingminister.com

Original idea for Cake Pops! 

I think this pup would agree that weddings can be exhausting!

Thanks, Spike! 

Wedding Don'ts!

I use Google Alerts to see what is being written about Wedding Ministers/Officiants. Tonight a link to an article by Matt Jones/Altavista Journal Staff Writer was on the Alerts list. I have copied it here for you. It is quite the list and most of it is really good, some obvious, and some should be taken with a grain of salt! I have added some comments as well. 

"Everywhere you turn, there are lists of things to do on your wedding day.

Well, the Altavista Journal talked to seasoned professionals and they shared things not to do in regards to your wedding. With a combined total of well over 2,000 weddings between them, Teresa Clayton, owner of Glencliff Manor; the Rev. Mary M. Jones, minister of New Bethel United Methodist Church and Motley United Methodist Church; and Roger Blackstock, owner of The Portrait Place, share some tips and tricks from their decades of wedding experiences.

For the bride and groom

•Don't deep dip the bride because your hands are sweaty and you mostly likely will drop her. No bride wants to start her married life that way.

•Don't over do the kiss. The saying is, "You may now kiss the bride." Be discreet and respectful. ( I will interject here a bit. A peck won't do. The kiss needs to be long enough for the photographer to get a good picture. It is a landmark moment and should be in your wedding album. I said "long enough" but that does not meet overly passionate and I am sure you know what I mean!)


(Brides: please wear long lasting lipcolor on your wedding day. There are several brands out there. The kind that won't smear off onto the lips and face of the groom! Also wear waterproof mascara so that you don't have black tear tracts going down your cheeks for your ceremony and photos!)

•Don't toss her into the pool. It's not funny. She may laugh, but she won't find it funny.

•Don't drink adult beverages before the wedding. The ceremony should not be held up because you are too sick to make it down the aisle.

•Don't smash cake in each other's face. It's awkward for the guests. It's rude and say goodbye to your hair and makeup.

•Don't just have one pair of high heels for your wedding day. It's a long day and if your feet hurt you aren't going to enjoy it.

•Don't use an aisle runner if you are having an outside wedding. It will just get muddy and wrinkled if the groomsmen even remember to roll it out and, if they do, the bridesmaids will all be terrified of tripping over it. (Aisle runners should not be used on grass or carpet. There is no way to secure it and it becomes a safety hazard. On concrete and wooden floors and decks, it should be taped down ahead of time. The best aisle runner is white carpet. A pretty option is to put rows of pretty flower petals down each side of the aisle.)

•Don't forget to eat the day of your wedding. It's a long day and you will pass out.

•Don't be afraid to say no. It's your wedding day. People can wait to say hello.

•Don't answer your phone. It can wait or they can call someone else or give your phone to someone else so they can answer questions about the ceremony.

•Don't be afraid to delegate. Pick someone else in the wedding party to answer your guests' questions.

•Don't forget your allergies. You may think golden rods are the most beautiful flower ever, but if they make you react, holding that bouquet will not be fun.

•Don't buy the wrong size dress. You are the size you are and if the dress doesn't fit properly, you'll spend all day fidgeting with it.

•Don't forget to check the fit of your clothes. Just because your suit fit a few years ago doesn't mean it still does.

•Don't invite people out of social obligation. It's your day and make sure you have a good time.

•Don't chew gum. It doesn't look good in person or in pictures. If you need to freshen up, sneak a mint.

•Don't invite the minister to the reception for the first time at the ceremony; it puts them in a difficult position.

(This has never been a problem for me. When I am invited, I graciously decline. I may have another wedding I have to go to, or it has been a long day and I want to get home, and wedding food is delicious and high carb and fat and I would weigh 400 lbs. if I went to receptions! Besides, I want you to be celebrating with your family and friends and not taking care of me.)

•Don't let price be your only deciding factor when it comes to photography. You get what you pay for. And know exactly what is included in your package.

(I will add one here. Don't let price be your only deciding factor when it comes to hiring your wedding officiant! Your officiant should be someone who shares your values, someone who is experienced at officiating weddings and can work with you to create the ceremony you deserve, and one in whom you have confidence. Your ceremony is the first event of the big day with your guests and sets the tone for the whole day so it is important to have an officiant who can deliver the ceremony you love with grace and confidence. You know the old saying "You get what you pay for.")

•Don't wait until the last minute to ask a minister to do your ceremony. (Amen here!)

•Don't blindly follow every wedding trend. This is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime event, and you want to create family heirlooms, not trendy photos.

•Don't wait until the last moment to decide who will be escorting the bride.

•Don't forget to check bow ties, zippers and shoelaces.

•Don't procrastinate. Do as much as possible before the day of your wedding.

•Don't forget to check for dry cleaning and price tags.

•Don't close your eyes during the prayer. You can get dizzy. Instead, discreetly bow your head.

•Don't forget the license. (When there is a rehearsal, I have my couples bring the license to me then so I know it cannot be forgotten on the wedding day.)

•Don't forget to pay everyone. It's your wedding and your responsibility.

•Don't forget to include the grandparents. Get them something.

•Don't wait to work out details on the seating.

•Don't forget the rings and know who has the rings.

•Don't fight. A wedding is supposed to be a happy time; plus you have the rest of your life to fight.

For everyone:

•Don't forget to account for traffic. Plan on it being bad. Early is better than late.

•Don't do too much. You are there as guests. Don't be the center of attention.

•Don't include everybody remotely related to the bride and groom in pictures. The photographer should not have to find a spot for the bride's twice-removed fifth cousin on her mother's ex-husband's side.

•Don't be enlisted to be DJ's, directors, caterers, etc. It's a day for you to enjoy as well.

•Don't forget to have scotch tape at the gift table. That way, cards stay with gifts and there is no guessing who got what. (That is a great idea!)

•Don't overindulge. Yes, it's a party and everyone is there to have a good time, but no one wants to have to carry you out of the reception.

•Don't wait. As much as possible, photography should be done before the ceremony; your guests don't want to wait while Great-Aunt Genie is helped up a flight of stairs for photos.

•Don't fake smile for the camera. It's obvious when you do that.

•Don't have a bride's side/groom's side for the ceremony. People are friends with both and they don't want to choose. Besides, it's always lopsided and that looks bad in pictures. (These days the only "sides" are the first, and sometimes the second, rows reserved for family. Everyone else is seated on either side and it is best to fill the seats up from the front, not the back. Blocks of empty chairs look bad in wedding photos--looks like people did not come to the ceremony.)

•Don't ask the photographer about his/her gear or the camera you bought during key moments of the ceremony. They are there to work and capture the moments. Find down time to ask them.

•Don't lock your knees; passing out is not a good look. (I am not worried about how it would "look" if someone passed out, I would have to stop the ceremony for them to be taken care of. I had a bridesmaid pass out once due to forgetting to eat and we stopped and gave her something to eat and drink then resumed the ceremony.)

•Don't assume people know the details of the location of the ceremony. Give them address, location, name and directions to the ceremony.

•Don't forget to say thank you.

•Don't take your cell phone into the ceremony.

•Don't forget logistics of travel, who is driving the cars after the ceremony, how is everyone getting to the next place.

•Don't forget those with special needs. Have a handicap-accessible entrance.

•Don't forget to check and double check the spelling of names and abbreviation of titles.

•Don't bring your dog 

Remember to relax and have a good time and, of course, don't be late."

This is an article I saw on a blog posted by Claire Zulkey. I thought it was very good so I am posting it here:

One thing I learned before I got married is that nobody loves to talk about weddings more than women who just got married. They’ll grab on to any socially acceptable opportunity to relive their experiences. Now, I’m one of those women who’s full of tips on how to get through your wedding day. One day, maybe you can pass a few of these dos and don’ts on to the next girl when you go to blab about your wedding.

Do:
Assume that something will go wrong. It’s going to happen. Accepting that fact will make your life easier. Our venue got changed the day our invitations were mailed. Fortunately, it was moved to a church across the street. We sent out notes alerting guests to the change, and everything went fine. It wasn’t that big of a deal, and it felt good to get that mini-disaster out of the way.

Do:
Have an engagement photo session with your photographer. Even if you have no intention of submitting your pics to the local paper, it’s good practice. You’ll get to know your photographer, and you’ll get the hang of those lovey-dovey shots with your spouse-to-be.

Don’t:
Put up with crappy sales service from wedding vendors. I decided not to go to one bridesmaid dress store because the lady on the phone was so bitchy to me. I wanted the experience to be as pleasant as possible. (Note: This does not give you carte blanche to be a bridezilla. It means you should patronize companies that make you feel at ease.)

Don’t:
Spend money on things for your wedding day because magazines tell you to do so. If you love your perfume, you don’t need to get a special new one for the special day. If white wine is your favorite drink, no need to freak about a signature cocktail.

Do:
Have a master guest list with addresses on hand, in hard copy and online. It will be invaluable when it comes to writing thank you notes. Keep the hard copy in a heavy-duty envelope, because you’ll be carrying it around and taking it out again and again. I kept mine with a stash of stationery, stamps, and the little booklet I used to keep track of who gave me what.

Don’t:
Worry about matching your thank you note stationery to your invitations unless you must. I’m not sure who came up with the rule that every blasted thing in a wedding, from the save-the-date cards to the invites to the seating cards to the programs to the stationery, has to match. Maybe it was a crazy person.

Do:
Enlist your soon-to-be spouse to pitch in with the thank you notes. He/she will be enjoying the gifts too, right? I ended up writing a brief outline to thank-you-note writing for my fiance, since he wasn’t as used to writing them as I was, but once he got some practice his were funnier than mine.

Don’t:
Just write thank you notes to the people who gave you gifts. If you felt especially moved by your rabbi’s speech or the care the coordinator at your reception location gave you, let them know.

Don’t:
Be afraid of bridal magazines. Even if you’re the indie-est indie bride who ever lived, you still need ideas for things like the cake and flowers. Magazines are great for this, even if you think the articles are silly. (I liked Martha Stewart Weddings and InStyle Weddings.)

Do:
Periodically cull through your wedding binder and throw away things that are no longer relevant—dress ideas after you’d purchased your gown, honeymoon articles after you’ve already booked the trip. Unless you enjoy scoliosis.

Don’t:
Think The Knot is in charge of your life. You are in charge of your life. Also, The Knot thinks you have to order your cake way earlier than you actually do.

Do:
Happily support your friends who get engaged during your engagement. They’re not stealing your thunder—they’re joining a team of people whose opinions you can elicit and won’t get tired of talking about wedding stuff. If you feel like your wedding is going to be “less special” because someone else is getting married this year, maybe you’re not mature enough to get married.

Do:
Get over your “dream gown.” Odds are the dress you saw in the magazine looks totally different on you. Trust your experts, and your own eyes. While I wish that Oscar de la Renta gown didn’t make me look eight months pregnant, I didn’t fall apart over that fact.

Don’t:
Buy a dress in a size smaller than you are and think you’ll shame yourself into fitting into it by the wedding. No offense, but if you haven’t lost the weight by now, how are you magically going to do it by your wedding date? Buy a dress that fits and dedicate yourself to taking good care of your body. If you happen to lose a ton of weight by the wedding day, get your dress altered.

Do:
Make sure that you have someone on hand who knows how to bustle your dress. I sure couldn’t have done it myself. Invite your mother or maid of honor to the final fitting for this reason and bring them a notepad to take notes. Hopefully, they won’t think you’re totally neurotic.

Do:
Get the itinerary down ahead of time, even if it seems uber-anal. You want to make sure everyone knows where to be for the getting ready, the pictures, the church, the speeches, the cake, and so on, so you’re not chasing people down all day.

Don’t:
Overschedule the reception. After the first dance/cake cutting, enjoy yourself.

Do:
Spend some “you” time right before the wedding. The days leading up to my wedding I couldn’t sleep, was losing weight (which I didn’t want to do), and was going to the bathroom all the time. The night before the rehearsal, I scheduled a scrub and massage and hung out at my maid of honor’s house with a bottle of wine. It was exactly what I needed and great to laugh and talk to one of my oldest friends about the excitement ahead.

Do:
Make sure you have someone who knows what they’re doing at the rehearsal. Our priest did not show up—he was delivering last rites to a parishioner—but fortunately the chapel coordinator/cantor led the rehearsal for us, which saved me from a meltdown.

Do:
Tell your bridal attendants ahead of time what you hope the tone for the day will be. I would have felt weirded out if everyone was squealing and crying. I wanted things to feel as normal as possible, in case I got nervous, and my friends were great for this. They reassured me, teased me, and helped me. I’m eternally grateful.

Do:
Eat breakfast and lunch on your wedding day. No fainting at the altar.

Do:
Carve out some peaceful time in the morning. I wanted to start my wedding day on a calm note, so I took a walk and read the New Yorker in the backyard in the sunshine before we went to the salon. I think the day would have been different had I jumped out of bed and started running around right away.

Do:
Make it a priority to enjoy yourself on your wedding day. The bride sets the tone for the entire wedding. If you’re having fun, everyone else will. People told me I looked like I was having a great time. If you’re stressed, it’ll be written all over your face.

Don’t:
Be afraid to ask your salon if they’d be willing to put on your iPod while you get your hair and makeup done. I had a few songs I wanted to hear on the day of my wedding, and I was glad I got to listen to Rufus Wainwright and ABBA while I got ready, like I’d always wanted to do.

Don’t:
Be afraid to give feedback to your beauty consultants. I thought my blush was a little too brown, and we were both happier when she switched to a pinker shade.

Do:
Talk to, smile at, and flirt with your spouse during the ceremony. This is IT! You should have fun and break the formality, within the realms of propriety.

Don’t:
Eat chocolate chip cookies in the limo, unless you have stain-fighters on hand. Trust me on this one.

Do:
Try to make sure you’ll get a few minutes to enjoy the cocktail hour of your reception. You spent all that time deciding on your shrimp boats and mini pizzas. You may only get 15 minutes to enjoy them, but that’s better than nothing.

Don’t:
Be afraid to give your speakers a time limit ahead of time. Your guests will thank you.

Don’t:
Worry about greeting every guest at the wedding. I said hello to my husband’s and my friends and greeted my extended family and parents’ friends when they came up to me. They didn’t seem to take it personally that we didn’t stop by at their tables. We wouldn’t have been able to eat, otherwise!

Don’t:
Worry about the first dance if it isn’t your thing. The idea of taking dance lessons and being under the spotlight for two complete songs sounded like torture to me. My fiance and I picked a song, danced a few bars, my father cut in for a few bars, and then all the guests were invited to join us, so my alone-time on the dance floor was mercifully short.

Do:
Have a pair of comfortable shoes to change into. You can’t “break in” a pair of three-inch heels. Eventually, your feet are going to hurt.

Don’t:
Freak when someone steps on your gown. It’s going to happen. Again. And again. By the end of the evening, if you’re enjoying yourself the way you should be, you won’t give a rat’s ass.

Do:
Ask the caterers ahead of time to set aside a take-home meal for you and your groom. For months, I looked forward to the moment when I could get to our hotel, get out of my gown, and eat my leftovers. I was not disappointed when the big moment finally arrived.

Do:
Thank everyone who isn’t getting paid to help you with your wedding—over and over and over again. It’s an honor for you to have your loved ones surrounding you on your wedding day.