ARE YOU LEGALLY MARRIED?

Marriage is a legal contract that is regulated by the Marriage Laws in each state. That is why you have to get a marriage license and use an officiant who has the credentials to officiate your wedding as specified in your state. All States are not the same when it comes to who can legally join you in marriage. 

It is becoming more and more popular in the United States to have your friend or relative go online and for a modest fee, become an ordained minister without any training or checking of credentials or skills to do this. The first online ordaining institution was Universal Life Church about 40 years ago and since then many other online entities have emerged offering online ordination including American Marriage Ministries. 

EVERY STATE HAS DIFFERENT LAWS ON WHO CAN OFFICIATE WEDDINGS LEGALLY.

The North Carolina Marriage Law states: 

Marriages in North Carolina are solemnized in one of two general ways:

1. By an ordained minister of any religious denomination, a minister authorized by a church, or a magistrate (i.e. judge or civil officer); or
2. In accordance with any marriage ceremony recognized by any religious denomination, or federally or state-recognized Indian Nation or Tribe. 

This law was challenged in the NC Supreme Court in 1980 in a case in which a couple had been married by a minister who had been ordained by mail order by Universal Life Church (ULC). The court ruled on July 3, 1981 that mail-order ordained ministers are not legally authorized to solemnize marriages in NC. (All marriages prior to that date by ULC ministers were grandfathered in but the court did not address the future.) Another court ruling in NC in 2006 was consistent with the prior ruling. 

Since that time there have been at least 3 court rulings that I know of that have found online ordained ministers not authorized to solemnize marriages and therefore the marriages were declared invalid.

Wake County Register of Deeds in Raleigh issued a statement entitled “Response for Universal Life Church Questions” in which it stated:

“In 1980 the North Carolina Supreme Court ruled that a marriage performed by an online minister was invalid. The marriage statute has not changed since that ruling so there is no reason to believe the ruling would be any different today. “

HOW DO COUPLES KNOW? 

In North Carolina: 

1.    There is no registry or licensing to qualify ministers to officiate weddings

2.    There is no explanation to couples of who can officiate their wedding in the marriage      license acquisition process 

3.    State and local governments don’t police or enforce the marriage laws

4.    Couples think what is legal in one state is legal in others

CAN MY FRIEND OR RELATIVE STILL PERFORM MY WEDDING CEREMONY?

Yes, they can “perform” your ceremony but they cannot “officiate” it. Many professional legally ordained officiants are happy to include friends and relatives in the ceremony. I have officiated many weddings with the couple’s friend or relative by my side and give the couple the option of having that person perform the entire ceremony (except for the pronouncement of marriage which I must do legally in order to sign the marriage license) or have their friend or relative do parts of the ceremony. 

A professional wedding officiant has the expertise and experience to work with you to create a personalized and meaningful wedding ceremony and deliver it with ease on your wedding day, knows how to conduct a rehearsal efficiently, and can handle any unexpected incidents that may arise on your wedding day, whereas online ordained friends and relatives lack this experience and expertise. 

Options to make your marriage legal and have your friend or relative preside over the ceremony on the big day. 

1. One solution would be to go to the courthouse before your wedding day and pay $50 for a magistrate to perform a simple civil wedding ceremony and legally marry you. Then the “public” ceremony later can be performed by your friend or relative since it is not the legal one. 

2. You could hire a legally ordained minister to attend your wedding ceremony and at the end be invited to step forward and do the legal pronouncement of marriage and handle the license signing.

3. Or, you can hire a legally ordained minister to do a "signing" of the marriage license. No ceremony only a declaration of intent and pronouncement followed by the signing of the license by the officiant and your two witnesses.

It is also important to know that vendors who recommend online ordained ministers to their couples have been implicated in lawsuits in other states which have the same law as North Carolina. 

I am most happy to answer any questions on this subject. I have been seminary-ordained since 1997 and have officiated over 3000 weddings since then. It is important to me that couples marrying in North Carolina not risk the validity of their marriages and I am here to serve them in any way I can. 

I can be reached at RevK@RaleighWeddingMinister.com or text at (919) 345-4608.

Having a Friend Get Ordained and Officiate Your Wedding..........

Once again, I saw this article on Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants blog and thought it might be of interest to my readers. I have been asked at the last minute or nearly the last minute by couples who have asked friends to get ordained online in order to officiate their wedding. Sometimes it is because the couple starts doubting the legality of doing this and worry about their marriage being "legal" and indeed, online ordinations in North Carolina are quite controversial. Other times the project of writing the ceremony becomes overwhelming and the friend either backs out or "gets sick." Once I was hired just to standby and do the pronouncement at the end and handle the license--which I did. When I asked to see the ceremony they and their friend had come up with, I was appalled and re-wrote the whole ceremony which the couple loved. They simply did not know what they were doing. On another occasion I ended up co-officiating with the friend after the couple and I wrote the ceremony and we alternated sections. That really was a lot of fun and he felt so much more at ease having me there with him. 

For a variety of reasons, many couples are turning away from church weddings in favor of nontraditional locations in which to hold their wedding ceremonies. Some couples desire to hold their wedding and reception in the same location. Others opt for outdoor ceremonies. Still others have no ties to organized religion and refuse to compromise those beliefs by marrying in a church. Brides and grooms with different religious upbringing and beliefs (e.g. He is Muslim, she is Christian) often opt for a non-church wedding simply to avoid having to harmonize their different religious philosophies. Oftentimes couples simply want to avoid church-mandated pre-marital counseling.

With more creative options for ceremony locations, it was inevitable that a similar rise in options for ceremony officiants would follow. Couple this with the current precipitous economy, and some brides and grooms are leaning toward asking a friend or family member to officiate at their wedding ceremony.

A good idea? Maybe. It depends on the personality and talents of the person you ask. Here are the pros and cons.

Pros:

It’s a great way to be married by someone who knows you personally. A friend or family member can share stories about you as a couple from their firsthand experience and really make your ceremony unique.

It’s cost effective if the friend will perform the ceremony for free.

You’ll have free reign to put whatever you want into your ceremony.

Cons:

Much can go wrong in the delivery of your wedding ceremony. Even those who are proficient speakers under different circumstances may become rattled at the everyday glitches that can crop up in a wedding ceremony. Consider how your friend will do if the groom becomes emotional, the bride flubs her vows, the flower girl is whining, the musicians play the wrong selection, inclement weather conditions suddenly arise for your outdoor wedding, your feuding divorced parents refuse to sit next to one another, the microphone dies mid-sentence, or someone faints. Handling these situations requires a special set of skills. Professional officiants have “been there, done that” with every situation above and more! (Amen!)

Unless one has had experience in writing a ceremony, putting one together can be time-consuming and a lot of work. Don’t expect to find much in the way of innovative ideas on the web without doing a ton of research. Most books deal with writing your own vows, but that is only one part of the ceremony.

Affordable does not mean free. Unless it is your friend’s wedding gift to you, expect to give them the courtesy of compensating them for their time in some manner, be it an outright payment, a gift card or a dinner out.

There is nothing binding to stop your friend from changing his or her mind as the big day approaches. This happens all the time as people get cold feet or egos start to conflict between the couple and the officiating friend. We receive calls all the time from couples looking for an officiant because their friend backed out at the 11th hour.

If your friend or family member is very close to you, consider the possibility that he or she will become overly emotional during the service.
 
Bottom line advice

Be sure you are 100% confident of your friend’s ability to handle a myriad of circumstances that can creep up on your big day. If you have any reservations at all, then bite the financial bullet and hire a professional.

Consider your own personality. If you and your honey are incredibly laid-back and okay with imperfections in your wedding ceremony, then by all means go for it. But if you are not so inclined, then consider the fact that having an inexperienced amateur facilitating your ceremony may be more stress than you can handle on such an emotion-packed day.

Start the process of writing your ceremony early–at least six months before the wedding date, so that there will be lots of time for research, practice and revisions.

Bear in mind that an online ordination is not recognized as sufficient to legally perform weddings in every state. You must check with your local County Clerk and Recorder to see if your state validates the legality of such ceremonies. In some instances, your aspiring officiant must also register with the county before performing a ceremony, which sometimes requires a fee.

Having a friend perform your wedding ceremony can be wonderfully warm, personal and fun. Just be sure you go into it with your eyes open to the potential pitfalls as well as the benefits. If you go this route, remember to choose your “volunteer” officiant with care, plan for contingencies, and practice, practice, practice until it all flows smoothly.

A Gala Wedding Celebration for Alexandra and Joel at Caffe Luna!

Joel and Alex planned to be married by a good friend of theirs who was ordained on line for the occasion. But, they begin to have doubts as to the legality of this and the daunting process of figuring out how to put together a wedding ceremony and contacted me in September. I happily agreed to officiate for them and proposed that their friend Ben and I co-officiate their wedding. I supplied them with all my ceremony material and told them to put together the wedding ceremony they wanted. When that was done, Ben and I then divvied up the sections between us so that we alternated speaking during their wedding ceremony. Alex and Joel are such a delightful couple and so laid back. They are full of fun and laughter and I knew this wedding would be lots of fun. Caffe Luna was the perfect setting for their formal yet casual wedding festivities. Alex surprised Joel by having Ben read a funny poem she specifically chose for the wedding ceremony: "Your Personal Penguin" by Sandra Boynton. Ben even animated the reading by flapping his elbows like little penguin wings and Alex, the guests and I were roaring with laughter! After their vows they poured their sand together and I pronounced them married. After their spectacular kiss, Ben blessed them with the Irish Blessing which had been modified to fit: "May the meows of cats grace the halls of your home...." another source of laughter at their finale! I presented the newlyweds to their guests and it was time for photographs and celebration. After the ceremony Ben told me how much fun he had doing this wedding and thought it would be fun to do some more! Zack Stamey was their photographer. A friend of theirs, Jackie Hill, coordinated the processional with me and the pianist, Panos Messis. Their cake by Dee Dee Cousins was quite unique, fitting for Alex and Joel. I know theirs will be a fun marriage filled with humor and good times! I wish you the very best, Alex and Joel!