Francesca and Jeff's Wedding 20 Years Ago!

Today, April 30, 2020, I opened my email to find this heart-warming message: 

Dear Kayelily:

First of all, I hope that you and yours are doing well during this dreadful pandemic outbreak and that you are both safe and healthy. I am reaching out to you because yesterday, April 29, 2020, my husband, Jeff Eischen, and I celebrated our 20^thwedding anniversary. Yes, twenty years ago, you officiated our wedding! This was the beginning of quite a journey for our blended family (both Jeff and I had 7 year old boys), filled with a great many highs and some inevitable lows. However, I am happy to report that  we have transcended the test of time so far and have felt deeply grateful for one another and the life we have built. Our boys are now nearly 28 years old and consider themselves brothers. Greg, my son, is a medical resident at Duke hospital, and Christopher, Jeff’s son, is a senior financial consultant with Deloitte in Charlotte. I have attached three photos of our beautiful wedding ceremony in Cary, NC. Also, below I am attaching the social media post that I circulated yesterday:

Many thought that we should never have married. Yet we still plunged into the madness of a two career blended family with overwhelming naïveté. The struggles and trials of the first four years nearly made us walk away, but we persisted and gradually we got better. Then, in the blink of an eye, 20 years have passed —our two successful boys are all grown up (and still come home for a home cooked meal and a hug now and then), we look ahead to winding down careers, and grapple with the sorrow of aging parents. Undeterred, however, we continue to seek and find new adventures and future challenges together, proving that indeed the true joy in marriage lies in the journey, not the destination. Happy 20th anniversary to *us* Jeff Eischen—full steam ahead 💕

 — with Jeff Eischen.

I wanted to share this with you as a heartfelt  thank you for being there at the start and for blessing our marriage and our fledgling family that at some level was woefully unprepared for what was to come. I believe that you made a  big difference in our success.

With much appreciation and warm regards,

Francesca Florey Eischen (and family)

It is moments like this that make my work with couples so rewarding and why I keep on going. I remember Francesca and Jeff's wedding vividly. It was at a private home tucked back in the woods in Cary with a steep incline in the driveway. Marty and I arrived just behind the truck delivering their wedding cake and we held our breaths watching to see if the cake was going to slide off the truck! Wonder of wonders, it arrived intact. 

Francesca and Jeff wanted to honor their two boys in the ceremony and this was my first time including a blessing for the children of a blended family in the ceremony. We put together these words and I am still using this blessing as an example for couples 20 years later:

"As part of the family nature of marriage, we recognize Gregory and Christopher and the very important role that they play in this relationship celebrated today.  

Christopher and Gregory, Francesca and Jeff want you to know that you are very much part of their relationship and loved and appreciated for your own unique selves. Their marriage will enrich your lives because your interests will always be considered and your needs honored. As a token of their promise to you they have brought special medallions to give to you today to represent their commitment to you. Treasure your medallion as a symbol that you are included in their thoughts and prayers always."

And now those boys are young men finding their way in the world having had effective parenting from their parent and stepparent. 

Francesca and Jeff--thank you for remembering me and giving me the honor of joining you in marriage and this tribute 20 years later! You have done all the hard work in the past 20 years making your relationship work and being role models for Christopher and Gregory. Congratulations! Sending love and many many blessings for another 20 plus years together!