ARE YOU LEGALLY MARRIED?

Marriage is a legal contract that is regulated by the Marriage Laws in each state. That is why you have to get a marriage license and use an officiant who has the credentials to officiate your wedding as specified in your state. All States are not the same when it comes to who can legally join you in marriage. 

It is becoming more and more popular in the United States to have your friend or relative go online and for a modest fee, become an ordained minister without any training or checking of credentials or skills to do this. The first online ordaining institution was Universal Life Church about 40 years ago and since then many other online entities have emerged offering online ordination including American Marriage Ministries. 

EVERY STATE HAS DIFFERENT LAWS ON WHO CAN OFFICIATE WEDDINGS LEGALLY.

The North Carolina Marriage Law states: 

Marriages in North Carolina are solemnized in one of two general ways:

1. By an ordained minister of any religious denomination, a minister authorized by a church, or a magistrate (i.e. judge or civil officer); or
2. In accordance with any marriage ceremony recognized by any religious denomination, or federally or state-recognized Indian Nation or Tribe. 

This law was challenged in the NC Supreme Court in 1980 in a case in which a couple had been married by a minister who had been ordained by mail order by Universal Life Church (ULC). The court ruled on July 3, 1981 that mail-order ordained ministers are not legally authorized to solemnize marriages in NC. (All marriages prior to that date by ULC ministers were grandfathered in but the court did not address the future.) Another court ruling in NC in 2006 was consistent with the prior ruling. 

Since that time there have been at least 3 court rulings that I know of that have found online ordained ministers not authorized to solemnize marriages and therefore the marriages were declared invalid.

Wake County Register of Deeds in Raleigh issued a statement entitled “Response for Universal Life Church Questions” in which it stated:

“In 1980 the North Carolina Supreme Court ruled that a marriage performed by an online minister was invalid. The marriage statute has not changed since that ruling so there is no reason to believe the ruling would be any different today. “

HOW DO COUPLES KNOW? 

In North Carolina: 

1.    There is no registry or licensing to qualify ministers to officiate weddings

2.    There is no explanation to couples of who can officiate their wedding in the marriage      license acquisition process 

3.    State and local governments don’t police or enforce the marriage laws

4.    Couples think what is legal in one state is legal in others

CAN MY FRIEND OR RELATIVE STILL PERFORM MY WEDDING CEREMONY?

Yes, they can “perform” your ceremony but they cannot “officiate” it. Many professional legally ordained officiants are happy to include friends and relatives in the ceremony. I have officiated many weddings with the couple’s friend or relative by my side and give the couple the option of having that person perform the entire ceremony (except for the pronouncement of marriage which I must do legally in order to sign the marriage license) or have their friend or relative do parts of the ceremony. 

A professional wedding officiant has the expertise and experience to work with you to create a personalized and meaningful wedding ceremony and deliver it with ease on your wedding day, knows how to conduct a rehearsal efficiently, and can handle any unexpected incidents that may arise on your wedding day, whereas online ordained friends and relatives lack this experience and expertise. 

Options to make your marriage legal and have your friend or relative preside over the ceremony on the big day. 

1. One solution would be to go to the courthouse before your wedding day and pay $50 for a magistrate to perform a simple civil wedding ceremony and legally marry you. Then the “public” ceremony later can be performed by your friend or relative since it is not the legal one. 

2. You could hire a legally ordained minister to attend your wedding ceremony and at the end be invited to step forward and do the legal pronouncement of marriage and handle the license signing.

3. Or, you can hire a legally ordained minister to do a "signing" of the marriage license. No ceremony only a declaration of intent and pronouncement followed by the signing of the license by the officiant and your two witnesses.

It is also important to know that vendors who recommend online ordained ministers to their couples have been implicated in lawsuits in other states which have the same law as North Carolina. 

I am most happy to answer any questions on this subject. I have been seminary-ordained since 1997 and have officiated over 3000 weddings since then. It is important to me that couples marrying in North Carolina not risk the validity of their marriages and I am here to serve them in any way I can. 

I can be reached at RevK@RaleighWeddingMinister.com or text at (919) 345-4608.

Clare and Carter's Wonderful Wedding at the Rand-Bryan House!!

Clare and Carter are such a fabulous couple! They took my Marriage 101 course and honed their communication and conflict resolution skills. I am confident that their marriage will be a grand success with much happiness and satisfaction! 

Their wedding day was May 5th, 2019 at the Rand-Bryan House in Garner. It was a beautiful day to start out with but right before the wedding a quick storm with a lot of wind blew in but was over in a matter of minutes then the sun came out again.

The tables were all set for delicious BBQ by Long Leaf Swine and were crowded together into a side room while we did the ceremony in the main room.

Our couple with their beloved fur companion, Penny! Our photographer for the wedding was Keith Marwitz. Our wedding planner/director was Becca Taylor with C&D Events. Becca is the best and I love working with her!!

Our wonderful DJ was Ross Merle. Ross and I have worked at weddings together for 20 years and it was good to be together again. He is fabulous and I can always count on fabulous sound for the ceremony! 

I am doing a sound check with Ross here to make sure every guest can hear the wonderful and funny words of Clare and Carter's ceremony! The florals for this wedding were by Pine State Flowers.

I like to find a quiet place to review the ceremony script ahead of time. 

The guests have arrived and are seated in the ceremony space ready to get this couple married! 

One of our younger guests is ready for the ceremony to begin too! 

Carter escorted his parents in and joined me and his groomsmen, John and Brian, already up front. Then our bridesmaid Cameron entered followed by Kaitlyn, our maid of honor, pictured above. 

It is time for Clare and her father, Guy, and her mother, Leslie, to enter down the aisle. 

I invited the guests to stand for the bride and her parents. 

Clare and Carter turned and faced each other, ready to get married, at last! 

I told the guests how important they are to Clare and Carter and thanked them for being there. 

Then I asked their parents to stand for the Parents' Blessing which is a sweet surprise for them. 

I told them how thankful Clare and Carter were for all the love and care they had given them all their lives. Then I asked each set of parents for their blessings for this marriage.

Now the really fun part of the ceremony--telling the guests the story of how Carter and Clare met and fell in love, and their journey to the wedding day.

I included what attracted them to each other in the beginning and here is where the laughter comes in. 

Their paths crossed in Greensboro in a chemistry class. When Carter first met Clare she was wearing red cowboy boots and a cheetah print top. He thought this was a fascinating, yet somewhat strange combination. This outfit coupled with her incredibly cute short haircut was very intriguing. After their first meeting he couldn’t get over how cute she was, and used this as the main descriptor as he kept John (best man) informed about their first few interactions.

Clare thought Carter was HOT. He was exactly her type--thin, dark haired, and dressed like he was always ready for a hike. As she got to know him, she discovered he had a great sense of humor, was a deep thinker and clearly passionate about doing good in the world. She loved that he never seemed flustered and was always ready to have a good time. 

Their first date was an impromptu dinner at a nearby Chipotle after a lab session when Clare declared she was starving hoping Carter would take the hint. Carter was nervous about asking her out on a real date, afraid she was not interested in him. He finally asked her out to a movie but she had to work so they rescheduled for a walk together and it was then that they shared their first kiss.  

After that their relationship became fast and furious. Then it became long distance when Clare returned to school in Winston-Salem and Carter started a job in Raleigh. But the relationship survived and grew even stronger.

Clare is listening to me tell her what Carter told me in confidence about her--what he loves about her, why he wants to marry her and what he is looking forward to in marriage.

Carter's turn to hear what Clare told me about him! 

They exchanged their vows of marriage. 

Time for the exchange of rings. 

Carter places the ring on Clare's finger as he repeats words after me. 

Then Clare said the same to Carter as she placed the ring on his finger. 

Following a closing blessing I placed my hand on theirs and pronounced them married!!

Sealed with a kiss! 

That sweet "after-kiss" moment as reality is sinking in! 

Celebrate! Clare wasted no time in raising her hands to rejoice! The camera caught Carter starting to do the same! 

Kaitlyn handed Clare the bouquet and I announced them to their guests who applauded and cheered! 

And away they go into their new married life!!

Clare and Carter! What a fabulous wedding! I loved every minute of it and I loved getting to know you better. I have no doubt you are basking in wedded bliss and still celebrating your marriage! I wish you the best always.

Brittany and Beau's Fabulous Fun Wedding at Market Hall!

Beau and Brittany chose downtown wedding venue Market Hall  in City Market for their wedding ceremony and reception. It is a fun all-in-one place for a wedding. The wedding day was May 4th, 2019, exactly 6 years from their first date. Kate Rowe with Wedding Day Rescue was their wedding planner/director and I loved working with her! Because of another rehearsal, we did a mini-rehearsal with the couple and Brittany's dad since I could not be at the full rehearsal and Kate handled that. Worked like a charm! 

The wedding day arrived and the weather was so pretty. 

They had thought of a lot of sweet touches for their big day. 

First thing I did was check in with our DJ, Darnell Davis with ME Wedding DJ company. He plugged my mic into his system and we did a sound check. Thanks, Darnell!

The tables were gathered together on one side of the big open room while the chairs were in the other side for the ceremony. After the ceremony, the guests go to the back of there area to the bar for cocktails while the staff reconfigures the room for the reception. Rocky Top was catering. Yummy! Urban Bloom Photography was their professional photographer. (Photos in this blog taken by my hubby/roadie Dave with my Canon Powershot and iPhone.)

Rise Biscuits and Donuts provide the sweets instead of a traditional wedding cake. 

After the sound check, I went upstairs to the bridal suite where the wedding party was hanging out before the ceremony. I greeted everyone and got the best man and maid of honor to sign the marriage license for me.

Most of the guests have arrived and it is time for the wedding party to come downstairs and get lined up to process in.

Now Kate has us all lined up to enter after the parents were escorted in and seated. 

They guys and I await the beautiful bridesmaids.

When we are all in place, the music changed and it was time for the bride to enter. 

Brittany and her father, Jim, hesitated for a moment to allow Kate to fluff the train. 

I invited the guests to stand for our beautiful bride. 

They floated down the aisle to stop in front of me and Beau where Jim transferred Brittany's hand into Beau's and everyone was seated.

A warm welcome to all our guests and family members with thanks for making the journey to be with us. 

A prayer followed the welcome and then a special blessing for their parents. 

The fun part began with the telling of the story of how Beau and Brittany met at Appalachian State back in 2010. They were just friends for 3 years. It was on May 4, 2013 at the end of their senior year that their relationship took a romantic turn. They had spent the day before celebrating Brittany’s birthday and were spending the next day celebrating Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you). 

After graduation Brittany moved to Winston-Salem for work while Beau stayed on for grad school. Their relationship survived the long distance challenge and after grad school, Beau landed a job in Winston-Salem with help from Brittany's connections.

Beau proposed in 2017 after 4.5 years of dating and they set the wedding date for exactly 6 years from their very first date.

I then told the guests that Beau and Brittany had told me in confidence what they love about each other, why they wanted to marry and what they are looking forward to in marriage.

And now for the first time they are hearing what their beloved told me. So sweet and some humor too! 

They each said "I do" to a series of promises to each other then exchanged rings. 

After a closing blessing, I pronounced them husband and wife and invited them to share their first kiss as husband and wife!

Happy to oblige!!

I introduced the newlywed couple to their guests and invited them to join in congratulating them. 

And away they go!! For photographs though--while the guests enjoyed cocktail hour before a very fun celebration of their wedding!

Beau and Brittany! Congratulations on your marriage and your beautiful wedding. I loved working with you and wish you the very best always!!