No Marriage License--No Wedding!

An unfortunate thing happened today and I thought I would write about it here so there is no confusion about what the NC Marriage Laws say about when an officiant can perform a wedding ceremony.

A bride called me on May 3rd and asked me if I could officiate her small intimate family wedding today. I told her I was available and emailed a contract to her which she printed out and mailed to me with her check for my fee. When I received it, I sent her a "proposed" ceremony based on what she told me she and her fiance wanted. She made some revisions and we had a final ceremony. In the process of making our arrangements, I informed her that it was the responsibility of the couple to obtain a valid NC marriage license and bring it to the wedding because it was required to be in my possession during the ceremony for their marriage to be legal.

I arrived at the wedding site and met her parents and the photographer. Then the couple and her son arrived about 10 minutes later. I introduced myself and asked for the marriage license. The bride said that they had decided not to do the legal wedding today but wait until a later date in another city when his children could be present. I then told them all that I was sorry but I could not perform a wedding ceremony without a marriage license because it was illegal and I could lose my authority to solemnize marriages in North Carolina. I explained in detail that to do so would misrepresent their relationship as a legal one when it was not and I was not allowed to do that. I apologized again and then left. I felt bad for the couple yet I felt I had to do the right thing and I take what I do seriously.

The North Carolina Marriage Laws read as follows:

§ 51-6.  Solemnization without license unlawful.
No minister, officer, or any other person authorized to solemnize a marriage under the laws of this State shall perform a ceremony of marriage between a man and woman, or shall declare them to be husband and wife, until there is delivered to that person a license for the marriage of the said persons, signed by the register of deeds of the county in which the marriage license was issued or by a lawful deputy or assistant. There must be at least two witnesses to the marriage ceremony. Whenever a man and woman have been lawfully married in accordance with the laws of the state in which the marriage ceremony took place, and said marriage was performed by a magistrate or some other civil official duly authorized to perform such ceremony, and the parties thereafter wish to confirm their marriage vows before an ordained minister or minister authorized by a church, or in a ceremony recognized by any religious denomination, federally or State recognized Indian Nation or Tribe, nothing herein shall be deemed to prohibit such confirmation ceremony; provided, however, that such confirmation ceremony shall not be deemed in law to be a marriage ceremony, such confirmation ceremony shall in no way affect the validity or invalidity of the prior marriage ceremony performed by a civil official, no license for such confirmation ceremony shall be issued by a register of deeds, and no record of such confirmation ceremony may be kept by a register of deeds. (1871-2, c. 193, s. 4; Code, s.1813; Rev., s. 2086; C.S., s. 2498; 1957, c. 1261; 1959, c. 338; 1967, c. 957, ss. 6, 9; 1977, c.592, s. 2; 2001-62, s. 6.)
§ 51-7.  Penalty for solemnizing without license.
Every minister, officer, or any other person authorized to solemnize a marriage under the laws of this State, who marries any couple without a license being first delivered to that person, as required by law, or after the expiration of such license, or who fails to return such license to the register of deeds within 10 days after  any marriage celebrated by virtue thereof, with the certificate appended thereto duly filled up and signed, shall forfeit and pay two hundred dollars($200.00) to any person who sues therefore, and shall also be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor. 

 As you can see above, the reverse situation is not the same. Many couples these days get legally married first at the courthouse or in a small private wedding and then later have a big "public" wedding. There are many reasons--military deployment, financial crises, health issues, pregnancy, etc. I have no problem doing the big "public" wedding without a marriage license because it does not violate the Marriage Laws since the couple is already legally married and I am not misrepresenting their legal status. Technically the "public" wedding ceremony is a renewal of vows ceremony. 

Well, you may ask, what about same-sex weddings? Good question. Since same-sex marriages are not legal in NC and the couple is not legally able to obtain a marriage license, the wedding ceremony cannot be a misrepresentation. It is unfortunate, in my opinion, that same-sex unions cannot be legally recognized everywhere and that Amendment One passed in NC. In fact, I believe that the government, whether County, State or Federal, does not have any business deciding who can marry whom anyway! That is a personal decision each person makes for himself or herself. The marriage license merely establishes a legal contract between two people with precipitating consequences if the contract is broken and that is all that is necessary.

Beautiful Sunny Wedding of Becky and John at Highgrove!

I met Becky and John in June of 2011. They are a delightful couple and were planning their wedding for Sunday May 6, 2012 at Highgrove Estate in Fuquay-Varina where I have been doing weddings since the gorgeous venue first opened many years ago. John and Becky loved hearing one of my ceremonies and wanted to be involved in creating their own one-of-a-kind ceremony that included their story, what they loved about each other, why they wanted to marry and what they were looking forward to in the next chapter in their lives together--their marriage. We signed a contract and reserved their dates on my calendar and got started on it right away.

In contrast to the wedding I did the day before which was forced indoors due to stormy weather, Becky and John's wedding day could not have been prettier. The temperature was pleasant, the humidity low, and the sun shining. 

The garden ballroom was all set with the pretty table linens and our DJ had set up the nice up-lighting.

Patrick Cooke of PC Productions was our reliable DJ. We have worked together at many weddings and it is always a pleasure to work with Patrick. I know I can count on him!

This beautiful wedding cake was baked by Sweet Memories Bakery and has the monogram of the couple's last name.

The lovely floral arrangements and bouquets were provided by Expressions of Love Florists.

 

Paul of Wake Forest Portrait Shoppe, and his assistant Melissa, were on hand to document this wedding. Here on the side of the estate, Robert and his groomsmen and groomslady were posing for some incredible shots.

Here they are! Don't you love the way that beautiful pewter dress and the bright colors of the flowers pop?

John's mother, Nan, and I discovered we had a common link. We both belong to Unity Churches and she used to live in Raleigh and attended a Unity Church. We know many people in common. She moved to Texas to be near grandchildren about 7 years ago and wanted to catch up on all the news.

Look at these gorgeous bridesmaids dresses in rose. The maid of honor wore a dress in watermelon.

Ann Eberle with Highgrove was our wedding director. She is great. We love working together at the rehearsal and the wedding. Part of the wedding package at Highgrove is that you get your own director who is in charge of the day so the bride and groom can relax and enjoy their day.

Becky's father, Sam, brought Becky down the steps and down the aisle to John.

After he answered the question, "Who presents this woman to be married?" Becky gave him a little kiss and he was seated.

Between 5:00 and 6:00, if it is a sunny day, the sun spotlights the wedding party at the pergola. Lake Laurel is in the background.

 

 

The parents are standing here as I deliver the sweet parents' blessing, moving the mothers to tears!

 

John's sister Amber did the first reading which was the Indian Wedding Prayer.

 

John's sister, Lynn, gave a delightful reading from the children's book, "Guess How Much I Love You" by Sam McBratney. She was good!

 

Now the story of how they met--John clearly remembers it was at a pool hall but Becky thought it was later at the Longbranch! A key player in this romance is Christine, Robert's groomslady, who thought they should meet and pushed them together.

 

 

 Time for the rings and vows.....

 And now the pronouncement of marriage...

 Followed by the kiss.....

 And some laughter.....

 The deed is done, it is time to get out of the sun and have some fun! 

 Let's go..........

Becky and John, what a great wedding! Your careful planning paid off. I know you will be so happy together! I loved working with you and wish you health, happiness and prosperity! 

Brooke and Robert's Wonderful Wedding Despite the Rain!

Brooke and Robert met in grad school at UNC. Although neither of them was looking for love at the time, they shared a few classes and got to know each other as friends. Soon it was evident to both of them that they were a really good match and strong feelings knit them together so much so that even after Brooke took a job in South Carolina while Robert was finishing up school in Chapel Hill, they managed to be together every weekend. They decided to marry and set a date of May 5, 2012 for the ceremony at Coker Arboretum followed by a reception at Top of the Hill, which has become a fairly new wedding venue since expanding into the space that once was occupied by the Carolina Theater. When we met in January, Brooke and Robert became very excited about the prospect of writing their wedding ceremony and poured their hearts and souls into choosing the words I would speak and crafting their special words for each other.

Friday afternoon was a beautiful day as we rehearsed at Coker Arboretum, but the forecast for the wedding day was looking iffy. Top of the Hill wanted Brooke to decide by noon if the wedding would be there so they could set up. Saturday noon came and went and I had not heard from her so I assumed we were going for outdoors. She called me at 4:30 as I was en route to Coker. It had rained hard earlier, cleared, but was beginning to sprinkle again. She said she really had her heart set on being married in the beauty of the garden and was still going with having the wedding outdoors. When Marty and I arrived, the rain was increasing and the chair rental people, Careli Rental Services, were unloading and diligently setting up the chairs in the garden regardless of the rain. Ed, our guitarist from Arioso Strings, arrived about 5:00 for the 6:00 ceremony. Then it really started raining hard and the paths in the garden were turning into little rivers of run-off rainwater and we were getting soaked despite raincoats and umbrellas. At 5:10 it was obvious that there was just no way we could do the wedding outdoors. I called Brooke and left a message with Trisha, her maid of honor that we were headed for Top of the Hill. I felt bad for the Careli people who worked so hard.

When Marty, Ed and I arrived at Top of the Hill after parking a couple of blocks away and hauling the sound equipment and Ed his guitar and equipment in the rain without an umbrella, we found a bustle of activity going on as the main room was cleared of tables and set up for the ceremony.

Ed got set up and Marty and I set up my sound system as the DJ for the reception was not set up yet and with this sudden change in plans, I did not know if he would be ready by the time the ceremony started for me to plug my microphone into his system. At first we were told the ceremony would begin at 6:30. Ed was worried because he had another gig and had to leave no later than 6:30. He said he could delay 5 minutes and play for the processional if the DJ could do the recessional. As it worked out, the ceremony actually started at 6:15, Ed played the prelude music and processional then quietly slipped out for his next gig. 

My thanks to Danielle Olcott with Top of the Hill for doing an outstanding job changing gears to accommodate the ceremony and finding an extension cord for me. Her staff was impressive. 

Our DJ was Steve Max from Island Sound & Video, right, and his assistant, Sam, on left. They were set up in no time and Steve was ready to do the recessional. 

Whole Foods was the florist. This is one of the pretty centerpieces. 

Brooke and Robert had a Wishing Tree upon which guests wrote and hung notes. I did not know it was a Dutch wedding tradition.

Sugarland created this arrangement of delicious looking cupcakes with a wedding cake for the couple to cut at the top.

Rob Miracle was our photographer. He was everywhere! 

The guests were sequestered in a room in the back while everyone was getting ready and the wedding party was arriving. When the bride was hidden away, the guests took their seats for the ceremony and our very excellent wedding director, Beth Brandon, got the wedding party all lined up. Beth lives in California where she is a television producer, so we were in very capable hands.

Robert and I followed by all but one of the groomsmen, Eddie, took our places up front from the side of the room. Then Eddie escorted in Robert's mother, Denne, and joined us up front.

Brooke's parents, Tom and Barbara, were next to enter and Tom circled back to bring in the bride.

 

At the end of the line were our sweet little flower girls ready to go. They did a great job!

Despite the rain and moving to Plan B, Brooke was absolutely beaming. Her dress was stunning and I shudder to think what it would have looked like in the rain and mud!

 

Because this was Plan B, the backdrop of nature was not possible, but the Top of the Hill has such character and is a popular gathering place. 

 

The mothers of the couple shared the reading of "The Art of Marriage" by Wilfred A. Peterson.

 

 

 Their ceremony was a lot of fun, especially their story and their words about what they love about each other and why they decided to marry. Brooke said about Robert: What she is most looking forward to is living together in one place at last, and if you take care of her the way you lovingly take care of your plants, she knows she will be one lucky woman. 

And off they go into their future and their life together as a married couple!

 

 

 

Marty and I hung around for a while afterwards (it was still raining!) and got some photos of the activities Rob was setting up. They were having a lot of fun at that end of the room as the staff was quickly returning the tables to set up for the reception at the other end. And although Brooke did not get the wedding she had envisioned, the rain did not dampen their spirits one little bit!

Robert and Brooke, what a wonderful wedding anyway! I loved it. You are troopers! Congratulations and have a lot of fun in Greece!